I really dig those styles they wear

Songkran festival is the traditional Thai New Year. Those who have heard about it in the west know that it's during the hottest part of the year, and people celebrate by throwing ice-cold water on one another. One thing I didn't know until last week is that Songkran is also Ugly Floral Shirt Week.

To celebrate properly, one must first purchase jaunty shirts from one of the many shops around Ban Phe.



Choosing a shirt is a difficult process. Do you try for the least-ugly ugly shirt and make it look presentable? Or should you instead choose the ugliest shirt available, to demonstrate to others that you embrace ugly shirt week fully? I tried for a less-ugly ugly shirt. Unfortunately, the prints are the only negotiable part. All shirts are big ugly rectangles.

The next challenge is trying to look presentable (unless you're just embracing the ugly, which is admirable.)







These were my three best attempts with my less-ugly ugly shirt. I chose the last one.

But what happened when I went outside?

I see you shiver with antici... pation

Was it wicked of me to leave you with such a cliffhanger? Did you lose sleep wondering whether I looked like a sausage in a bubblegum-colored polo shirt?

While Thailand is generally not the place to assert your individuality, I changed my plans only a little to err on the side of there-were-people-in-feathered-tophats-at-the-King's-Birthday and decided to wear this:


No one said anything, and I looked super cute. The buttons on the pink shirt are little sparkly beads. And yes, those are jellyfish on my dress! $1/yard mystery fabric: one thing I miss in the States.

Children's Day was lovely! The sparkly sign fluttered in the wind like an octofly!


There was this game, wherein you try to eat a donut armed only with your face.


There was this game, for which the children segregated themselves automatically and efficiently by gender.


There was this game, which appeared for awhile to be an elaborate hoax fabricated from kevlar or something.


There was this game, wherein the real Ryan and the pretend Ryan were dangerously indistinguishable.


And there was this kid, whose tee shirt made my day:

My Donkeypede has the silliest features

Today I will talk about the Children's Day preparations that filled my last week. Tomorrow I will talk about Children's Day itself.

Every year Ban Phe has a big Children's Day celebration. Usually Siam English Training School just gives out delicious (smelling) barbecue ribs, which gives the school quite a popular booth. This year, though, the school wanted games and contests and prizes!

On Tuesday, we had a big meeting about Children's Day in the afternoon. Autumn and I would get to make a big, sparkly Children's Day sign:


And I painted a pin-the-tie-on-the-teacher teacher, complete with glittery maple leaf buckle:


And example drawings for the Animal Magic contest, an assignment which Emily relished more than should a professional woman of 26:


Before the big meeting on Tuesday, Autumn and I had planned our outfits over lunch. We settled finally on full-skirted dresses that would allow the glorious combination of freedom of movement, washability and breathability required for a day of herding children in the sun. Our faces gaped in horror when, almost as an afterthought, one of the Thai staff asked what color *shirts* we should wear and the answer was provided: pink.

We knew what they meant. They meant the bubblegum-colored polo shirts from the King's Birthday. Could I endure a *second* well-photographed day looking like a pepto sausage? Bubblegum polo shirts offer little in the way of breathability or freedom of movement. A dark cloud settled over Ban Phe as the rest of the staff emptied the meeting room and Autumn and I sat, staring at one another, unable to speak. The weather spoke for us, and the darkened skies cracked and released more sorrow than we could have expressed in words.

I hate to end on such a terrible note, but you can read about the actual occurrences of Children's Day, including my wardrobe choices, tomorrow.

She's wondering what clothes to wear

When packing for Thailand, I filled my limited space with modest teacher clothes and didn't bring any tee shirts. I knew that they would be abundant and cheap, especially in tourist areas, and I have purchased a number of amazing tee shirts in my time here. Apart from jeans, though, I don't have anything to wear them with.

Yes, I am really starting a blog entry by writing about clothes.

Well when Ban Phe turned into a market last week (that was the highlight of my life, okay?) there was a stall that popped up with some very cute knee-length skirts. They were all very pretty, and very appropriate to wear with tee shirts. I poked my head in and started thumbing through the pretty polka dots and flowers and pin stripes, and the woman sitting in the stall politely directed me to the "big girl" section (a rack of XL skirts in the back.) Yes, I am plus-sized in Thailand. I'm okay with that. I was originally drawn to a muted plum-and-mustard design, but distracted by a bright shiny purple one. The salesgirl urged me to choose the shiny purple one, possibly because big girls in shiny purple skirts are hilarious. I tried not to let it damage my self-esteem, and I went with her recommendation.

It's just that this is the only picture I took Friday night, and I can't post a blog entry without pictures, even if they are blurry faceless taken-in-the-mirror pictures! Friday was Stephanie's last night in Ban Phe, so we went out to Christie's and yes, I was dressed like a clown.



That's my previously linked horror tee shirt, shiny purple skirt and yellow-and-orange leg warmers. With flip-flops! Ha!

Everyone at Christie's is so ridiculously nice I can't stand it! The proprietress and some of the employees ended up closing shop early and taking us to Rayong (the big city in our province) to celebrate and wish Stephanie farewell. We danced to some great live music and I had a wonderful time. Stephanie is amazing and Ban Phe and I will miss her. I got woke up at 7:30 after about four hours of sleep to say goodbye over breakfast and caught a speedboat to Magical Crystal Island.

On the island, I met up with two tall, slim brunettes named Laura who took the TEFL class with me and now work in Isaan (that's the northeastern part of Thailand, for those of you who are not in Thailand.) It was great to see them and I am glad to hear that they are enjoying their jobs. Unfortunately I was a little too sleep deprived to do much other than lay on the beach and swim and lay on the beach some more, but that's island life for you. Saturday evening, we went back to the bar where there had been amazing live music the last time I spent the night on the island but the energy was tragic this time.

They started with soft poppy rocky songs that no one really *likes* but everyone kind of recognizes. Someone requested "anything by Eric Clapton" and that's where they made their tragic mistake. I would have recommended "After Midnight." It's upbeat and danceable. "Cocaine" could get plenty of audience participation, or even the fast version of "Layla." I think even "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" would have been acceptable.

Of course they played "Wonderful Tonight". And when that didn't get people dancing, they switched to Lady Gaga. And we left.

I spent the night in a rustic bungalow. There was no spider in the bathroom, because the bathroom was in a separate building. There is something absolutely magical about waking up under a functional, rather than decorative, mosquito net.



I love the diffused light, the closeness of nature, the sturdy and simple construction of a bungalow that doesn't pretend to be airtight. And maybe I can also fantasize for a little bit about being on safari somewhere, before I check out and stumble back down to the beach. It was a good, exhausting weekend.

Feeling near as faded as my jeans

The night of the king's birthday didn't hold just the excitement of parade, ceremony and abundant free food. After the ceremony, Autumn and I were invited to hang out with Bert's cool friends at the windsurf place. Now Bert's pretty much the coolest guy in Ban Phe, with his aloofness and his irony and his janky fabulous old Mercedes. Autumn and I were confident that if we did not end up covered in pig's blood, this was going to be an awesome time.

Bert's cool windsurfing friends are indeed pretty cool. His friend Ter, who I had met before a few times and whose name I hope I am not misspelling (*I was misspelling it but have now corrected it--Ter is pronounced like "Duh,") was playing guitar and some dozen or fifteen windsurfers and windsurfer groupies were singing and drinking and generally being awesome. I practiced my Thai a little. I regretted still not knowing the words to "Zombie," but did sing the first verse of a few songs in English. It was great.

As the evening went on, Autumn and I decided to go swimming-or-kayaking. Autumn wanted to go kayaking, but my thought process was that my jeans would get wet, so I would have to take them off and if I take off my jeans I might as well just go swimming. So that's what we did. We put our jeans on the rocks by the shore and went swimming in tee shirts and underfrillies. Bert and Ter, having witnessed our decision-making skills, dragged some kayaks into the water and we all went kayaking around Ban Phe harbor at night, with only the light from the moon and the piers and the festival. It was beautiful. And when Ter and I returned to the beach, I discovered that the tide had come in and my pants had been taken by the sea.

Oh how magical evenings can turn sour, even without pigs blood. My fairly nice Seiko watch was in the pocket of those cheap Old Navy jeans. I scoured the shoreline with some of the cool windsurf people but it became clear that my pants were at sea, and it remained unclear whether I would see them again. I was lent a pair of board shorts and lay shivering in a beachside hammock, contemplating my pathetic life for a bit before the other kayakers returned and we searched the shore again.

Lo! What dark matter was this teasing Autumns feet with each wave? My jeans! And my watch! Still ticking! The bountiful ocean was feeling generous that night after teaching us a lesson in humility-and-leaving-our-pants-above-the-tide-line.

Autumn's pants would not wash ashore until the following day, but we made the shameful trek back to the windsurf place in the morning to retrieve my pants, at least, and to cheer for our new friends.

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday

His Majesty King Bhumibol Adulyadej turned 82 last Saturday, December 5th. Ban Phe turned into a huge festival and I got to walk in a parade!

All of the employees of my school turned up in pink polo shirts with the royal insignia. If I had known that this was an option



you can bet that I would have hastily created a sequined vest or something with a little pizazz. Pink polo shirts stretched along the vast length of Ban Phe's main drag as what must have been most of the population of Ban Phe marched 3km or so to the giant stage which had been constructed a few days before in anticipation of the king's birthday.


Watch them disappear into the horizon.

Once we arrived, there was a lengthy ceremony wherein each group who had marched in the parade sent up three representatives to give gifts to the king.


That's Neung, Bert and Ditt!

Then this happened


and there was tasty seafood for all. The festival lasted for six days, and there were concerts and talent shows on the big stage the following nights and a big market to go with the carnival. Ban Phe is finally back to normal now and I don't know how I'll be able to carry on.

She hit the flo'

My apologies, folks. Aside from having a generally uninteresting life lately, and a cold for the last few days, I haven't been taking my camera with me when I go out (on mundane errands) and thus have absolutely nothing to blog about!

Evidence: the highlight of the last week, until tonight, was taking a trip to the pharmacy in town to get cold medicine. It was a highlight because it afforded me the chance to ride side-saddle on a motorbike taxi (I was wearing a pencil skirt for work.) I'm so reckless. The pharmacy here is wonderful. My medicine was 20 baht, about $.60. Then I took a songthaew back to my school (these pickup trucks with two covered benches in the bed act as our public transportation here.) As accomplished as I felt after running this important errand, I felt that I couldn't blog about it because I had no pictures. So I didn't. Ha.

Tonight was different. The king's birthday is on Saturday, and this is a huge holiday in Thailand. Everyone is supposed to wear pink king's shirts this year (don't worry; I bought mine on Monday) and walk in a parade. I'm not sure how it works if the whole town walks in the parade, but they invited all of my school's employees so it doesn't seem like they would turn anyone down.

Anyway, Ban Phe is busy with preparation for the celebration this weekend. The main drag along the beach is turning into a market, and a big stage and a carnival materialized along it. I had to investigate this with the other immersion teacher, and we first came across the rollercoaster which looked freshly assembled so we decided to try it out. It cost as much as my cold medicine, but it was worth it. I think that the extra (or not-yet-assembled) parts piled in the center of the rollercoaster really added to the thrill. There was also a carny baby asleep in a hammock suspended under the track.

And the reason I can post a blog tonight is that I used my phone to take this:


That is the crazy blacklight disco bumper car ride at the carnival. Bumpercars were fun. I crashed into many Thai children.

With luck, the king's day parade will be a much-photographed spectacle. If not, rest assured I will find something to blog about, now that I can just take pictures with my phone.

hitchin' on a twilight train

I arrived in Chiang Mai this morning after taking the overnight train from Bangkok. My only other train experience was Tacoma to Portland, so this was a glorious adventure for which I was sorely underdressed. As I approached the platform and saw the train waiting, I squealed with glee and regretted not bringing white gloves, a jaunty hat and a tailored dress in my backpack. Instead, I wore a $5 dress from Cambodia and a pair of decomposing flip-flops. It was still glorious.

I won the coin-toss for the bottom bunk and was grateful for a window. I didn't sleep very well, but our fourteen-hour train ride offered interesting views, the opportunity to use a squat toilet on the train, and a satisfactory ipod soundtrack (including "Murder Train A-Coming" by Dethklok and "Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat" but not including "The Gambler" or "Midnight Train to Georgia.") My book was equally appropriate (Ghost Train to the Eastern Star by Paul Theroux.)

I can confidently say that I am in love with trains.

I also have a few pictures to share from my adventures in Cambodia. The staff photographer hasn't had the chance to upload her pictures yet, but these give the general idea.

Woke up at 4 am to get this:


I felt ickily colonial on this part of the trip. It was very National Geographic.


Elephant convoy at the gate to Angkor Thom:


Expect more and better pictures when I'm not at an Internet cafe. It might be a week and a half, or just a few days, or maybe longer. I must soon acquire new flip flops though, before this pair rots off of my feet.

Giant White Lady goes shopping

I now have a Thai bank account with an ATM card and everything. Last night I visited Rayong (the largest city in the province) with most of my classmates for a shopping trip. The mall was disheartening. I don't enjoy clothes shopping, but I was looking for short-sleeved button-up shirts and I found some pretty ones. I asked the sales lady if she had big ones (with an accompanying gesture--I am very eloquent.) She dug around and presented me with a shirt.

The tag said "XL - US 8."

The next stop was the giant TESCO-LOTUS. Tesco is from the UK, and is a lot like Wal*Mart. They sell clothes and electronics and groceries. Here I was so pleased to find shirts up to 3X, for 200 to 250 baht! I bought four XXL's.

Behind the Tesco in Rayong there was a night market. The night market sold pirated cds and games, clothing and all sorts of tasty food. For dinner I bought squid-on-a-stick and was happily looking forward to walking around the market eating my squid from its stick. Instead, the vendor slid the squid off of the stick for me, cut it up into bite-size pieces, and put it into a small bag with cucumber and some sort of sweet sauce. I did get a new stick with which to eat my squid pieces, so it wasn't a disappointment. It was tasty.

Today's picture is a gecko on a sign at the monastery where I go to school.



(I posted this the morning after I wrote it, and my intestines might regret the squid-on-a-stick.)

In which Emily fails at haggling, or The Most Amazing Tee Shirt I Never Bought

I've found that Khao San Road is infinitely better at night than during the day. Apart from the impromptu breakdance party my first night here, the music is better (and some of it is live!) it's cooler, there are more people, as a result of there being more people taxis don't go down the road at night (tuk-tuks do) and there are more food carts. Some of the street vendors pack up and leave, and some are just getting started. It really makes it clear that this is a sort of cultural bubble, a community created for and by these weird hippie backpackers and the locals who love their money.



I wasn't going to buy any souvenirs for myself in Bangkok, or on Khao San Road specifically. I researched everything I could about Thailand before coming here, and one of the big things is that everything on Khao San Road is 1) overpriced and 2) available elsewhere in Bangkok.

My rule doesn't apply to souvenirs for other people though, and in addition to pirated cds and dvds, fake IDs and touristy knick-knacks, the biggest thing for sale here is the Tee Shirt. Shirts range from simple "Bangkok City" and the label designs from Chang and Singha beers, to musicians and scraggly-looking guys with cigarettes who I assume are musicians, to naked ladies and naughty words, and the just plain weird (Tree: "hug me." Man: "No.") There are a couple of people in my life who wear tee shirts (I do not...) so I took a couple of pictures in a stall yesterday and sent them to Saul and my brother. My brother said he would wear a certain shirt, so I went out looking for it again today.

No. No, no, no. For one, the street vendors set up shop in different places every day. For two, they don't put all of their stock on display. I couldn't find it! There are a lot of shirts that feature in four or five stalls along the road. This one, nowhere. At the Burger King end of the road, there is a big tee shirt vendor that seems to have set up shop for the evening. This:



Put a ridiculous grin on my face, which was probably my first error. You should probably know that Queen is my favoritest band in the world. I wasn't going to buy it; I don't even wear tee shirts. But someone put "Love of My Life" on a tee shirt and they decided to feature it prominently on the wall instead of on the rack and that made me happy. I dug through the shirts on the rack, hoping to find something for Saul or Nathan. I did not find something for Saul or Nathan. But I did find this:



Amazing. The print gives Important Biographical Information about our hero. Weight: 8.5 stone. Favorite Actress: Liza Minelli. Favorite Drink: Champagne. I don't wear tee shirts, it's big and will fit weird, the sleeves are a funny length. But it is also the most amazing tee shirt I have ever seen in my entire life. I ask how much it costs. "250 baht, but for you I'll give a discount. It costs 200 baht." I was really taken aback, not fake haggle-taken aback. 200 baht is six dollars! The other shirt vendors on the road ask for 100-120 baht, although they are the same shirts that everyone sells, and this baby is unique. There are only two of them, that I saw.

I think I displayed my taken-abackness quite well. I said that's too expensive and offered 100 baht. The man said that the discount was only down to 200 baht. I started to put the shirt back on the rack, and then I put the shirt back on the rack. I started to walk away, and then I walked away. And he didn't stop me. It's not supposed to work like this.

I bought myself a plate of pad thai and walked down the road to the other end, contemplating whether I really wanted this shirt and making sure that none of the other vendors had one (they didn't.)

When I got to the end of the road, the pad thai had kicked in and I was thirsty, so I bought myself a coconut shake. It's blending behind the carrots.



I sipped it as I walked back down the road again. I'm getting very good at politely brushing off the tuk-tuk drivers, by the way. As I approached the end with the amazing shirt I couldn't figure out what to do.

Ronald offered me no guidance.



Captain Jack wanted only for me to buy one of his bracelets.



I reached the shirts and decided that I needed to take a picture at least. As the man saw me approach he made the smuggest of smug faces, which I think was the universe trying to remind me that I don't wear tee shirts and I said I wouldn't buy myself anything on Khao San road. I took the picture and turned around for good.